It’s the holiday season once again and that can only mean one thing—it’s time for “out of office” messages to start flooding your email inbox.
While it’s sometimes frustrating to learn that folks are unavailable when you need them, here at New Relic we try to make the experience of informing people of our whereabouts a bit more fun. Why subject co-workers to another mundane “OOO” message when you can wow them remotely with your creativity and wit?
We proudly present the third edition of our favorite OOOs collected from throughout the year, penned by our own peripatetic Relics:
The cloud is strong with this one
With a staggering 40,000+ attendees this year, AWS re:Invent continues to be the premier event for the cloud computing industry. Abner Germanow, senior director of strategic campaigns and evangelism, had only to look around the room to see nearly all of his colleagues.
Looks like this cloud thing might be catching on. I’m at AWS re:Invent … and you probably are too somewhere in this mass of cloud humanity.
Text or Slack might be faster.
I’d typically list other people to contact, but they are all here, too.
May all your functions be serverless,
Sailboat aficionado Tori Wieldt, Senior Manager, New Relic Community, has a penchant for casting her OOOs in pirate-speak:
I be at a conference this week, just down the dock from th’ Star o’ India. Me responses will be coming as fast a message in a bottle. If ’tis urgent, ye can contact me manager, Cap’n Abner Germanow.
New Relic VP of Engineering Rebecca Campbell was certainly feeling jolly as she wrote her OOO, and was likely singing as she typed it:
Please note that from January 16 until January 27, I will not be caught up on email. These two weeks include:
- 5 all-day offsites
- 4 days to myself (2 PTO, 2 weekend)
- 3 geese a-laying
- 2 days in the office
- 1 MLK holiday
- And a partridge in a pear tree
Who let the paws out?
As Senior Director of Strategic Architecture, Lee Atchison spends a lot of time traveling to meet our customers. His faithful pup Izzy Atchison returns this year as Lee’s OOO writer:
My name is Izzy, I’m the doggie that snores on the phone all the time.
I’m my dad’s official adpawstrative assistant. I can tell you that he is out of town right now.
He should be home with me, but he left me again. Hooowwlll … poor me.
First my dad goes “down under”, now he goes “over the pond.” I don’t know what those things mean, but I do know it means he’s a long way away. Impawsably far away. I don’t find that very fun at all.
If you need something right away, you can try and reach him, or Abner or Darren, but all three of them are going to be “over the pond,” too. So they all might have their heads under water.
If this isn’t urgent, just hold on, he’ll get back to you as soon as pawsible.
Snore at you all later!
—Izzy Atchison, VP of Pawlicy and Chief Snoring Officer
Out of Africa
New Relic Senior Technical Marketing Engineer Adam Larson frequently feigns that he’s being dragged on vacation against his will. But we suspect he’s having more fun than he lets on:
As an act of willful disregard of my natural proclivity to live a life devoid of adventure, my wife has booked us a trip to South Africa. While I’m well aware that this is an industrialized nation with easy access to the internet, I’m going to lie to you and say that I won’t have access to my email in order to relax—and in an effort to free up the mental capacity to vigilantly scour my surroundings at all times for the inevitable elephants that are going to try to kill me.
In the event that neither proposed option is helpful, I hope the following website is at least cathartic: screamintothevoid.com
The choice is yours
New Relic Senior Technical Training Specialist Phil Weber simply doesn’t have time to read your message, as he’s busily training our customers around the globe. He cautions us to think carefully about sending too many emails while he is away … or else.
I am traveling on Monday and attending FutureStack on Tuesday through Thursday. I will reply to one email per sender; if you send me multiple emails, I will randomly delete them until there is only one remaining. Choose wisely. Please note that you have already sent me one email.
Hollow and goodbye
And to close out this year’s edition, here is one of my own OOOs.
I once received a note from someone who did not appreciate my love of clever OOOs. Not to be deterred by corporate stuffiness, I shot back with this message:
Someone recently told me that funny OOO messages were “so 2016”—a comment that left me hollow and wanting in my soul, given my penchant for colorful messages.
So here is an attempt at a straightforward message:
I am not here.
But my manager is and can probably help.
Hollow and wanting in D.C. & Boston for a wedding
Take the lead from these unorthodox messages and tweet us your own best OOO, or some favorites you’ve come across! #NewRelicOOO
Photo credits: Star of India by Jot Powers, 7/2005 (cc-by-sa-2.0); Izzy Atchison by Lee Atchison.